This morning connecting with God did not come easily. I knew I needed to, but my will wasn’t showing any sign of winning over my rather listless emotions. It was just one of those days where I was ‘out of sorts’
Whether my symptoms were the remnants or the cause of a restless night, I don’t know. I was experiencing anxiety about the future and the decisions that need to be made to get there. Frustration at the bureaucracy that is slow to provide the information that will give clarity. Weariness at plugging away--seemingly endlessly--at several projects I’ve undertaken. Not to mention this never-ending winter!
Spring is a month late arriving in Holland this year. Yes, I can hear the Canadian derision as I’m told that I’ve become spoiled by gorgeous arrays of tulips in April. But honestly, we pay our due at other times of the year! It’s time to be able to go outside when the sun is actually shining and soak in some beauty. I connect with God easiest out in his creation, and I need a change of setting.
I put on my Nordic sweater, pulled my winter jacket on top, and pushed out on my bike, thinking that I just might find a sheltered spot in the sun before the clouds won out. Pedaling helped to clear my head, and eventually I found a spot where I could sit for a while and sort out my thoughts.
What’s going on in this heart of mine? It’s a question I’ve learned to ask often. In giving its answer, my heart has a chance to get beyond itself. I uncover the things that lie buried inside and transformation happens. The biggest change usually comes in my readiness to hear God’s voice.
Today I took a look at the anxiety, frustration and weariness that were defeating me. They’re each valid, for sure, but they all add up to pretty small stuff in the big picture of things.
Can I entrust them to God and live in faith today? Laid out there clearly before me, the answer was simple. Of course I can trust God today and walk with him faithfully. And the future? Well, let’s just do what’s before me today and leave the future to the One who holds it in his hands.
An amazing thing happened right after that. The crusty shell that had encased my heart during the night simply disintegrated. I opened the Bible and God’s Word came alive to me. Instant fellowship. Sweet presence. Rich food for my soul.
And before the clouds had covered the sun until another day, the sun was shining brightly in my heart. Thanks Lord!
